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About Varied / Hobbyist Ashley TwilleyFemale/United States Recent Activity
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"Oh for...." Miranda mutter to herself as she walked into her significant other's room.

She was surprised he had even been able to navigate through it. There were dirty dishes and soda cans scattered around his desk, discarded clothes around his bed with a pleasant mix of old schoolwork. She had only stopped by to leave something for him, but part of her wanted to tidy the place up for him. Yet, she didn't see a reason to right then. It wasn't like he had done much for her over the summer break. 

Miranda held her journal close to her chest. It was small and blue, she had written entries to him and he would write them back, its what they had done since the beginning of her relationship. Although, after this, she didn't want to have it back. Miranda didn't want to see his reply. She didn't want to know his response, for fear that her hopes would either be revived or crushed. A part of her knew his response would likely be more apathetic. It hurt when he got like this, when he became distant from her. She knew that sometimes the way he would act would be considered abusive, but lately,she felt like she was being played with. Usually, she would understand and be alright, but this was different.

The one thing Miranda had grown to hate in the last few years was being someone's toy. It was a cowards method to take advantage of a person's kindness and patience. It made her mad, but she hated losing her tempter. Yet, he was getting dangerously close to seeing the true extent of her temper, and it actually excited her. She wanted to see how he would react. She wanted to know if it would make him leave or show him that she wasn't still the 'innocent and weak girl' she had been a year ago. 

That was his problem after all. He hadn't seen how much she had changed. He had yet to realize that she had changed, she was strong, stubborn, dedicated, patient, but not a fool. When it came to romance, she wants to be loved in simple ways. Miranda knew the lines of clingy and desperate, and she wasn't. Miranda didn't like people assuming she had no care, because what would life be if you don't have the humanity to care?

She caught the glimpse of a necklace she had asked him to keep. She didn't want it back unless he didn't want her anymore. It hung on his lamp next to his bed, a small pain stabbed her chest. Hot tears came to her eyes, Miranda felt confused. She didn't want to lose a relationship that actually had good to it, but she didn't want to be treated like she was a person that would always be on the sideline. That isn't the person she wants to be to him. 

"God, why do I love him?" She muttered to herself while hugging the journal. "What have I done to deserve this?"
Untitled
Just a small thing I wrote to help release some negative emotions
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Maybe I just thought too much, or tried too hard.

Maybe I was too stubborn to accept the inevitable.

Maybe I was too young to understand then.

Maybe I should have been wiser....

Maybe.... Funny how that word appears like it does. Kind of ironic now that I look back to that time. I was very gullible then, believing in the fluff of life.... 

Maybe, if he saw me now.... Maybe if we talked again....

Maybe....

But, that won't happen.

He won't ever see me again. He won't ever meet him. 

They would be such a handful for me. He would love him.

Yet... He can't.... Nor will he ever.... 

I can't go back to him....

It breaks my heart every day.... It's been three years.... I never even said good-bye.... He will never see me again....

Darling.... I failed you, I'm sorry....
Prologue
I'm slowly going to try to write a short-ish story..... Maybe I can communicate some of my problems in this XD
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If I died today,

would he even notice?


Would his heart shatter,

the same way mine did?


Like glass,

and hear the rain of it on the ground?


If I said today,

that I don’t think I matter anymore


Would he say,

that it’s not like that?


Would he tell me,

that he is going to do better?


Should I listen,

to my aching heart?


Or listen,

to my intelligent mind?


Or go head-on,

with my wise and stubborn gut?


Am I supposed to feel,

this confused?


I Wonder
Also found on my Tumblr: dragon-omega
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I got high,

it was my first time.

They say it won’t be much,

but I felt like a million bucks.

For the first time,

nothing bothered me.

Not the thought  of going home,

a place that’s a lie of a word.

Not my body image,

where I feel like I will never be what I want.

Not my depression,

a feeling of being dead even though I am breathing.

Not that voice, 

of a boy I once was.


Yet,

when it ended...


I felt nothing still,

the apathy stayed.

“That’s a side affect”,

I was told,

but,

I know that’s not true.

I realized,

that I had actually felt no different

than my sober self.

I now know,

that all of those feelings,

I suppress.

I now know,

that I am scared of myself,

and I hate it.


I hate that I’m scared,

not of who I am,

not of who I can and will be,

but instead,

of the actions that I will make,

in order to become

the person I want to be.


I don’t want to feel broken.

I don’t want to ignore myself.

I want to be what I want.

I don’t want others to define me.

I don’t want to feel worthless.

I don’t want to feel lost.

And because of what I don’t want...


I’ve become the person I feared I would be.

Its Not As Fun As They Made It Out To Be
Also found on my Tumblr under the name of Dragon-Omega
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Ramada121
Ashley Twilley
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Blogger, struggling artist, potential performer in musical theater, and is terrible at writing bios about myself. I like to blog and write and forum roleplay (no, sexual activities are not in the concept you dirty guttermind!!!)
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IWantCandyCreation Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks for favs :D
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EvannaVanyaEliska Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for the fave~! I really appreciate it! :iconmoesmileplz:
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AnnaChaveiro Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav! :iconsmilieplz:
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puri-purii Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav :3
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KnifeHappyPsychopath Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave! :D
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Dante60 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the fave :hug:
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JoseN16 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav! :D
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beccabearx3 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Student General Artist
ESHLEY
ESHLEY I LERVE U
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bluewolf25 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fave. :) They are for sale too. if your ever interested please message me. :)
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AestheticSaturn Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Student General Artist
Thanks so much for the :+fav: :D
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