"Oh for...." Miranda mutter to herself as she walked into her significant other's room.
She was surprised he had even been able to navigate through it. There were dirty dishes and soda cans scattered around his desk, discarded clothes around his bed with a pleasant mix of old schoolwork. She had only stopped by to leave something for him, but part of her wanted to tidy the place up for him. Yet, she didn't see a reason to right then. It wasn't like he had done much for her over the summer break.
Miranda held her journal close to her chest. It was small and blue, she had written entries to him and he would write them back, its what they had done since the beginning of her relationship. Although, after this, she didn't want to have it back. Miranda didn't want to see his reply. She didn't want to know his response, for fear that her hopes would either be revived or crushed. A part of her knew his response would likely be more apathetic. It hurt when he got like this, when he became distant from her. She knew that sometimes the way he would act would be considered abusive, but lately,she felt like she was being played with. Usually, she would understand and be alright, but this was different.
The one thing Miranda had grown to hate in the last few years was being someone's toy. It was a cowards method to take advantage of a person's kindness and patience. It made her mad, but she hated losing her tempter. Yet, he was getting dangerously close to seeing the true extent of her temper, and it actually excited her. She wanted to see how he would react. She wanted to know if it would make him leave or show him that she wasn't still the 'innocent and weak girl' she had been a year ago.
That was his problem after all. He hadn't seen how much she had changed. He had yet to realize that she had changed, she was strong, stubborn, dedicated, patient, but not a fool. When it came to romance, she wants to be loved in simple ways. Miranda knew the lines of clingy and desperate, and she wasn't. Miranda didn't like people assuming she had no care, because what would life be if you don't have the humanity to care?
She caught the glimpse of a necklace she had asked him to keep. She didn't want it back unless he didn't want her anymore. It hung on his lamp next to his bed, a small pain stabbed her chest. Hot tears came to her eyes, Miranda felt confused. She didn't want to lose a relationship that actually had good to it, but she didn't want to be treated like she was a person that would always be on the sideline. That isn't the person she wants to be to him.
"God, why do I love him?" She muttered to herself while hugging the journal. "What have I done to deserve this?"